Not Enough to Know It, I Want to See It

Yesterday My girl was very pleasing to Me. The day before last was a good one too but in an indirect way, so lets start there. I leashed her. I spent an entire day with her, not observing what I considered a sign of submission or obedience. I felt the need to give her a real reminder of submission by displaying overtly My Domhood. I did this by teathering a rope to her wrist and holding the other end. I instructed her that if she felt the rope go tight she would need permission to be excused to go any further from Me. Very Dom of Me!

I tell her that I do "pull Dom punches" with her. I am inclined to be more Dom than I display with her. I take into account who she is at all times not just who I am. I dont think this is a fault of mine I think its an asset (yes, here comes the but), but its possible that I am not being overtly Dom enough to elicit the obvious signs of submission that I require. I feel like the D/ and I know I am accepted as the D/ but maybe I dont display it enough. Maybe I need to say "Very Dom of Me more often. Conversely she is feeling like the /s, knows she is the /s but doesnt display it enough either. The very Dom voice in My head says that nothing is required of Me other than to tell her what pleases Me, but the pragmatic voice in My head insists I can do things to make the task of pleasing Me easier.

I say that was a good day because, well My Domself really enjoyed the leashing exercise and more importantly she got the message, I want overt signs of submission as often as possible, it very much pleases Me. This leads Me to yesterday and what a good girl she was for Me.

she didnt miss a rule. she deferred to Me. she tended to My needs. she was a thrill and a joy for Me all day. I am very proud of her. I noticed real effort in displaying her submission and letting Me know I was her Daddy, and nothing pleases Me more. I also spanked and spanked her which I very much enjoy. My girl has a hard time with pain so for her to endure spanking for Me is a very obvious sign of submission and yes I like to make her ass red what can I say? guilty as charged. The spanking went on a very long time and she endured and endured and eventually orgasmed for Me as I was bringing My hand hard down on her ass over and over. I had told her that cumming was the only thing that would stop the spanking. Very Dom of Me again!

So it was two good days for two different reasons. On the first day we both learned it is not enough to know it, I want to see it. And on the second day I saw it and saw it and saw it. she is My good girl.

When Trouble Finds My girl

I guess there are plenty of motivations, reasons, and inclinations that go into being a Dom, and I am certain these things shape the ways someone shows dominance. If I think about My own Domself and try to pull it apart and figure out the "whys" and "hows", well it just kinda gives Me a headache.

... Ok a took a few aspirin. So let me take a shot at this. First and foremost I see Myself as a protector. In a perfect world, I could absolutely keep her safe from all harm at all times. In a perfect world I would also have 1 bazzilion dollars, perfect health, be a little taller, have a little more hair and live in Bali. So I am forced to recognize there are probably going to be times I cant protect My girl. That just pisses Me off to no end but there it is. Just because I cant protect her from everything doesnt mean I dont want to protect her from everything. When I see harm come to My girl of any kind, I do feel like I failed her and work My best to ameliorate her suffering.

So I think part of being a good protector is not just preventing harm but also doing My best to ease the harm that occurs. I believe My girl has every right to expect Me to protect her from all harm but I also know she will have to occasionally be forced to accept My comfort instead.

Ouch, the headache is back! more on "whys" and "hows" later.

My girl is My girl

I have never monitored My girls perv mail. I want her to know I trust her completely, which I sincerely do, and I have never had any other reason to do so other than mistrust. I do however encourage her to reply politely to perv mails as long as they are civil. she is My girl and her behavior and actions are a direct reflection of Me. Politeness is important to Me and luckily for My girl its important to her ( saved her some training and punishment no doubt!).

So a dom wrote My girl yesterday. I was present when she was going thru her email. his first mail was not horrible so she later that day responded politely with this:

"I am involved in a committed D/s relationship & I am not looking for a Dom, or additional training. I thank you for your interest in me & I wish you the best of luck in your search. Happy New Year".

this is what My girl got back:

"you are obviously new to this, so I will help you. Don't ever refer to a Dom in lower case, you did this on 3 occasions and that is worthy of severe punishment. Do not ever refer to yourself in upper case, you did this on 4 occasions, and that is a much more serious offense. In the future I suggest you follow proper protocol for a slave. If your dom is not teaching you these things, perhaps it is the wrong match. Email Me and I will suggest possible training for you. "

ok so the guy is a tool but beyond that it raises 2 issues I want to talk about. the first issue is "sub protocol". My girl is only My girl and as such the only proper protocol she need worry about is MY protocol. This guy has no idea what I expect of her and shouldnt be assuming he does. For all this guy knows or any other D/ for that matter I have instructed her to never cap other doms and always cap herself unless writing to Me or about Me. so again let Me say that My girls only submissive protocol is what I decide not anyone else. I think that is a sentiment all D/ can agree with. My girl's initial response was pleasing to Me and that is all that matters.

issue two. I need to think about screening her perv mail. I feel that this guy abused her. I dont need her having even one extra minute of frustration or negativity and this mail provided more than one minute for sure. If someone has a problem with My girl they need to take it up with Me, she is My responisiblity and how she acts is always an effort to please Me (not an effort to please a random D/). If mail is written from someone to her just to be pervy and abusive, then My girl doesnt need to be dealing with that either. I believe totally that My girl can handle these sorts of things and people but I also know that no part of Me wants her exposed to these sorts of things and people.

Just a few odds and ends. My girl is not a slave, she is My girl. she has been given permission to open fire on anyone that calls her slave. D/s is a relationship. not a fantasy or an evening in the dungeon with a stranger. Many many building blocks are required before power exchange is even considered, calling yourself dom and being abusive to strangers just aint gonna get it done. Lastly, just because My girl has submitted to Me doesnt mean she will implicitly be submissive to anyone claiming to be a dom/domme, thats just a silly conclusion to draw.

Decisions Decisions

I want to talk a little bit about the decision making process in a lifestyle D/s relationship. This is how I see it at its most basic level.... The sub decides to submit and hand over power(i.e. power exchange) to the Dom, and the Dom has the power to decide everything else. I said power to decide because I can choose to hand over power of decision making on things and of course I can also choose not to decide at all.

But in the end I always retain the right to decide whatever I choose whenever I choose and however I choose. Does that mean I would ever decide something completely contrary to what is best for her or our well being? No never and if she thought that, she wouldnt have submitted to Me. I always listen to, value, and consider her opinion and often defer to it, but we both know that I am not obliged to do so. We also both know that she is obliged to obey Me if she wishes to please Me. she only suggests, while I , on the other hand, use the command form.

Obedience and submission all the time is all that I require. As you can see, D/s and more specifically Me and My girl are all about trust of which I work constantly to earn, tirelessly to keep, and fanatically to be worthy of.

Dom Hammer Arm Fatigue

Over the past few days I have dropped the Dom Hammer on My girl a few times pretty hard (read her blog for all the juicy details). I want to explain what I think My rationale was for hammering My girl so hard (no, not in the good way). My girl is not a dishrag. she is a strong, competent, competitive person. I take great pride in this fact. It makes her submission to Me even more precious as I have told her many many times. The fact that she finds Me worthy of her submssion is a great source of pride for Me.

So here is the rub (again no, not in the good way), I think I feel the need to really really stay on top of My girl. My perception of her is tainted by her strength. Let Me say it like this... I know she is 100 percent devoted to her submission to Me but I also know when we met she was a switch, she has informed Me that she has gotten her domme on before there was Me,and as I said before, My girl is strong, competent and competitive. My girl also enjoys firing automatic weapons, and I think she even has henchmen! I dont cite these things to justify My over reacting but rather as reasoning for My perceptions.

What does this mean? it means I need to relax. I know her submission to Me is complete and true. I am reacting like My Dominance is getting challenged and tested when in fact, I know that is not the truth. If there is behavior I dont like or rules being broken, I need to look elsewhere for the answer to the "why" question. I need to reassure her and tell her that I know she is My girl and that I am never questioning her devotion or submission to Me.

Rules and Punishment

Rules rules rules... As a Dom in a 24/7 D/s relationship, I consider rules to be absolutely vital. Rules act as a constant reminder of submission when followed. What I mean by this is that in a 24/7, following My rules is how we both are forced to think about her submission to Me. Rules prevent us both from slipping down the slippery vanilla slope. Rules also act as D/s pop quizzes. I am a big fan of testing My girls submission regularly, and obeying My rules without exception or error is the most basic of these tests. Rules modify behavior. I have things I like and things I find appealing. I know My girl wants to please Me and she should know the easiest and surest way to please Me is to simply follow My rules.
One more note on rules briefly. Some are directly sexual and some not so much. Examples.. no orgasm until given permission vs never walk in front of Me. Although the former seems completely sexual and the latter doesnt seem sexual at all, I consider them the same. All rules are about obedience and submission , thats the only context that matters to Me. I dont distinguish "types" of rules.

Punishment, punishment, punishment. What good are rules that arent followed or enforced? I know the worst punishment for My girl is the knowledge of My displeasure, so I am big on lectures and warnings. The voicing of My displeasure with the reinforcement of reasoning (or the threat of a belting when I am not in the mood to reason), is usually all the punishment needed for My girl. Sometimes I will belt as punishment. I do this for 2 reasons. 1. If I dont occasionally follow thru with a threat then the threat becomes meaningless and ineffective. and 2. Hyde kinda digs it.
If I feel the need to punish beyond what I have already stated then I want the punishment to be a lesson of sorts. I want her to learn from the punishment so that the infraction is not commited again.

My Jekyll and Hyde

I admit to being a bit of a sadist.. how much is a bit? its a little more than this much and a little less than that much (I just moved My finger and thumb apart about a smidge just to give you a visual).

There is a part of Me, My Mr. Hyde, that enjoys inflicting pain, enjoys humiliating, wants to hear pleas for mercy. Hyde wants to be feared when he is displeased. Hyde cracks his belt to make his girl jump. Hyde likes to spank hard and doesnt stop until he hears those begs and pleas for Daddy to stop. Hyde likes to slap his girl, and call her his slut and his whore. Hyde likes to pull her long hair and always wants to lay "dom traps" just so he can be displeased. Hyde likes to fuck His girl hard until she is very very sore. Its the Hyde that never thinks he is strict enough. Its the Mr. Hyde that always wants to punish.

Then there is the good Doctor in Me. My Jekyll wants to soothe her pain, remove her worry, make her care-free. Jekyll wants to lift her up, let her know how strong and beautiful and smart He thinks she is. Jekyll loves to hear her laugh and relishes those sweet things she whispers in His ear. Jekyll never wants to be feared; he wants to be trusted, adored and loved. And its the Jekyll in Me that caresses her face and tells her how pretty her blue eyes are. Jekyll doesnt lay "dom traps" but rather He prefers tests, and takes great pride when His girl passes these tests. Jekyll likes to watch her in pleasure and loves to make her orgasm over and over. Its the Jekyll that thinks he is always being to strict and punishes to much.

I aknowledge a bit of a dichotomy within Me. but there is common ground! All of Me demands obedience and submission. And all of Me wants, needs and desires My girl.

Introduction

Greetings, first a little about Myself and situation. I am the Dom part of a D/s couple. We are 24/7 power exchange. What I mean by that is there is no time that she is not My girl and I am not her Man. Her submission to Me never stops and it is tested regularly. She is a gift that I use often and cherish constantly. she is beautiful and often too smart for her own good. she is devoted to Me and her submission and strives to be always be pleasing to Me. Ok enough Dom gloating... at least for now.

Just a little about Me. I am straight, 37yo and very Dom. I consider Myself to be strict and yes I have a sadistic streak that manifests in different ways. I am also very loving and considerate and always have My girls best interests and well being in mind. I consder her happiness as well as mine as My responsibility. I want this journal to provide insight into how I view the world. I want it to be a "thru My eyes" read.

Why am I writing this? As part of My girls training I have instructed her to keep a journal. After reading her entries and finding them very pleasing for many reasons, I have decided that there would be value for My girl in keeping one Myself. Ok she submissively suggested it to Me also but forget I said that... it was ALL My idea!!